using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
