I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
