her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
