I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
