You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
