i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
