Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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