I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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