Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
