I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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