Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
