I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Randomize
