Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
