Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
