Redeem this text for a blowjob
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
