he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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