Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Randomize
