oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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