Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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