I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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