The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
