i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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