I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
