I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
