R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
