420 ftw
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
