I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
