her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
