apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
