Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
this just has baby written all over it
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
