Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
you never un-have a 4some
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
