I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
