There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Acid is not a monday night drug
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
