My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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