im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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