hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
