I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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