this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
