Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
