Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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