woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
