He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
i think my cat just said my name.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
