no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
