I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
