I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Randomize
