is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
