I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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