There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize