Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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