if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
