Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize
