You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
