Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
