literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
