Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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