did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
