Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
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