Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
