My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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