Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
