FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
