I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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