I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
