I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
